We all understand the feeling of wanting to say “no” to someone, but feel bad about it. This can make it hard to say “no,” or just leave you feeling guilty when you do finally say it. However, there are ways to turn someone or something down without feeling like it makes you a bad person.
Why You Feel Guilty
It is normal to feel guilty because you don’t want to hurt somebody’s feelings or cause any problems. Whether you need to say “no” to a duet with your teammate or weekend plans with your friends, it is okay to decide you can’t or don’t want to do something. Take the other person’s feelings into consideration, and go from there.
Setting Boundaries
Saying “no” is about creating boundaries between you and other people. You have to make sure that people don’t pressure you into things you don’t want to do. Setting clear and healthy boundaries sets you up for healthy relationships and friendships where both people can feel comfortable saying “no.” Saying “no” doesn’t have to mean conflict by default. You can always do it with kindness and care.
Tips for Saying “No”
Start small. Say “no” to simple things like, “Can I have some of your snack?” or “Can I borrow _____?” That way, you can get comfortable turning somebody down while also being polite about it. A good way to make sure you are being kind is to say, “No, thank you,” or “Maybe next time,” so the other person won’t feel bad about it either. There is also no need to overexplain yourself in any situation. It is okay to simply say no!
Keeping it Kind
Consider the other person’s feelings when you are going to say “no” to them. Make sure to express your gratitude for what they are asking, especially if they invite you to hang out or something similar. If they are asking for a favor or help with something, you can still acknowledge what they are asking and simply say, “I wish I could help, but I can’t right now.”
Dealing with the After
If you are feeling bad or upset for saying “no” to someone, just know that it is okay and will only be temporary. There is nothing wrong with saying “no” to something, no matter what it is. Saying “no” won’t always be the answer people are looking for, but there’s no scoreboard. The right people are going to respect you and your choice, not the other way around.