Emma Washburn has anxiety. In fact, there was a point when anxiety got in the way of everything she did and everything she loved. Even dance, her passion from the age of 5 years old. It made her sick, and as her anxiety worsened, it made it harder for her to be comfortable being around people, even in the studio where, with dance, she felt she could best express herself.
Anxiety is more common than you think. Johns Hopkins reports that anxiety disorders are the most common mental health condition in the United States, and while anxiety is all too common for the entire population (1 in 10 to 1 in 13 people have diagnosable anxiety), 8% of children and teenagers struggle with an anxiety disorder.
This anxiety creates turbulence in anyone’s life. For many adults, established routines help them define and cope with anxiety, but for teenagers who are constantly experiencing new feelings and events and moving through life milestones, anxiety and the stress that is often closely intertwined with it can feel insurmountable. This only feels more true when their outlets—like sports, hobbies, and even hanging out with friends—are affected. For some, this can be a lingering discomfort. For others, like Emma, anxiety can have physical symptoms, like panic attacks or the worst-case scenario performance moment Emma shares below. This can cause teens to withdraw, but Emma used it as motivation to find help.
Today, Emma makes it her mission to remind people that anxiety exists and that it is hard to live with. But more importantly, there are outlets and strategies for those with anxiety. In 2022, Emma had a breakthrough moment. She performed her solo at Showstopper’s North East Finals in Mashantucket, Connecticut, using techniques she had learned over time to prevent a panic attack and deliver a performance she is still proud of. Since that performance, Emma has been working hard, managing her anxiety, living her life to the fullest, and sharing her story with others. Her anxiety isn’t gone, but it’s not stopping her either. Below, we caught up with Emma to talk about her journey with anxiety, her strategies for managing it, and her advice for teens who are facing similar challenges.
Showstopper Magazine Online: How did you get started in dance?
Emma Washburn: I started dancing at just 5 years old. I remember being a pretty shy kid overall, I never really had something that I could truly be myself while doing. I tried a lot of different things, one being tee-ball. I realized quickly that it just wasn’t something I enjoyed doing, and I needed to be able to be myself. Being in dance class made me feel free to express who I really am, in ways that I couldn’t in other sports. As I got older, my love for dance only grew stronger. I began exploring many different styles of dance, and became specifically fond of lyrical and contemporary, both of which allowed me to express myself in a way that is really special and unique to me. Who knew that taking that first dance class at the age of 5 would start such a special part of my life?
SMO: When did you start dancing competitively? How did your passion for performing on stage grow?
Emma: My family spent a lot of time moving around because my dad is in the Military, so it was hard to commit to a competitive team while not really knowing how long we would be staying in that location. When we were finally done moving around and found our forever home, I was finally able to join a competition team. I had no idea competition dance would be such a big part of my life. Being on stage was both scary and amazing. The adrenaline I felt before walking out of the wings onto the stage is a feeling I will truly never forget. I knew this was something I wanted to do for as long as I could.
SMO: When did your relationship with performing start to change? Do you have any specific memories from that time?
Emma: In 2020, everything changed for me. I was in the process of moving to a new, more competitive studio in the middle of the pandemic. This was a really big challenge considering what was going on in the world. I remember going to classes, dancing in taped-off squares on the floor, wearing masks. But that wasn’t all I remember. I remember going to class every day with a pit in my stomach, feeling dizzy, and shaking uncontrollably, wondering why I had to feel this way.
I loved to dance and was willing to do anything to feel like my old self again. I changed my diet, I drank more water, I got more sleep, but nothing was working. I still felt so different doing something so familiar to me. It didn’t make sense. Being in the studio with other dancers who I didn’t deal with or understand my anxiety made me feel like a bit of an outsider. They were often prepared for the competitions while I was feeling anxious. I would always wonder, “Why does it have to be me who feels like this?” or wish that just once I could walk onstage with excitement on my face rather than fear.
SMO: Did you know you had anxiety, or was this something you had to discover? What was that journey like?
Emma: At first, I had no idea what was wrong with me, I just knew that all I wanted was to feel like myself again while dancing. I was constantly nervous and on edge at dance and during competitions. It wasn’t until I was officially diagnosed with anxiety at the end of 2020 that I was able to put all the pieces together, and the way I was feeling started to make sense. This was such a big discovery to me and, honestly, a big relief because I finally knew what was really going on, and that was one step closer to being able to do what I love, the way I used to.
Anxiety affects me in multiple ways, but when it came to dance, and especially when it came to my solo, anxiety loved to fight. On February 13, 2022, I was preparing to go onstage for my solo and felt extra anxious. I did what I could to calm myself down and walked onto the stage when the emcee announced my dance. I remember feeling pretty good throughout most of my solo, but 30 seconds before the end of my solo, I felt a wave of nausea, and suddenly all of my built-up anxiety came out in front of me, on stage, in front of an audience full of people. This was when I knew I had to do something about the anxiety I was feeling.
SMO: Anxiety can be a major obstacle for dancers, but it impacts every aspect of your life. Can you tell us about that experience?
Emma: Anxiety was a huge obstacle in my life for a very long time, and sometimes still is. It is something you have to learn to work with instead of against. Learning what works for YOU is the most important step.
Although I was significantly more anxious when it came to dance, anxiety showed up in so many different aspects of my life. My very first panic attack was on the face of a mountain! I remember feeling so confused because I truly didn’t know why my body felt the way it did.
Anxiety shows up in little bits and pieces of my life, however it is especially significant when it comes to things that I may be nervous about already, or things that are very important to me (like dance), causing the anxiety to build up, and eventually reach its peak (panic attacks). Most of the time, it is pretty manageable, and I’ve had so many amazing people working with me along the way.
SMO: How did you build up your confidence to perform at Showstopper Finals in 2022?
Emma: The decision to enter my solo in Showstopper North East Finals in 2022 was a very easy one. (Because it’s Showstopper, duh! Who would say no?) However, there were always the little anxious thoughts in the back of my mind like, “What if I have a panic attack before my solo?” or “What if I don’t do well and disappoint myself?” Although these thoughts were lingering in my mind, I was able to take control over them using helpful techniques like breathing exercises.
SMO: Tell us about that performance!
Emma: My performance of my contemporary solo “Repeat Until Death” at the Showstopper North East Finals in 2022 was the BEST I had done my solo the entire year! After struggling with anxiety for so long and dealing with the symptoms, I had finally found the perfect formula of techniques that I learned during my journey to feel less anxious when it came to dance. So I was really able to perform to the best of my ability. The Showstopper environment made me feel excited to dance rather than nervous to compete and was such a great distraction from the anxious thoughts.
SMO: What does balancing your passion for performance with anxiety look like for you now?
Emma: Balancing my passion for performance with anxiety is definitely not easy, but with everything I have learned and experienced, I was able to figure out what works best for me and my mind. It is normal to feel nervous before a big event. In fact, it’s a good thing! It shows that you really love what you do and want to do it well! This is something I live by now. Before performing, I tell myself, “Go out there and dance because you love it, and it makes you feel good. You are doing this for YOU!”
SMO: What are some day-to-day strategies you use?
Emma: Journaling, breathwork, and meditating are three of the techniques I use the most when it comes to getting rid of anxiety.
SMO: What advice do you give dancers (or anyone, really) struggling with anxiety?
Emma: Your anxiety does NOT define you, your abilities, or your potential. Many dancers get anxious because they want to be perfect. However, dance is all about expression, NOT Perfection. Celebrate the progress you make every time you finish a dance. Celebrate the moments where you feel good.
SMO: Is there anything else you’d like to add?
Emma: Anxiety is real, and can be really confusing. One of the best things you can do is acknowledge the anxiety without letting it define who you are. Don’t forget to be patient with your mind. It is working so hard for you! Keep Dancing!
